In the grass...

Tonight was a great family night.  Not altogether different or more special than any previous night with my family except for the fact that we all laid down together in the grass in our backyard.  We have never done this before as a family.  I have laid down with Connor to see the stars or talk about cloud shapes and it's been wonderful.  I may have even laid down with Lane at one time or another back before little people came into our lives.  Cohen has never been still long enough to lay anywhere except in his crib sound asleep.  But tonight was the first time in the history of our family of four that we all ended up on our backs in the soft, cool grass, looking up at a perfect early evening sky filled with cloud shapes, beautiful colors, a crescent moon, and Jupiter.  It wasn't like this was a planned event that we orchestrated to foster a childhood memory for our boys...  although I hope with all my heart they will remember it when they're older.  The boys and I were just randomly -and I do mean RANDOMLY-playing 'Ring around the Rosey' in the grass after dinner on the patio, and we all fell down.  Then we just stayed there.  Connor laying in my right arm, Cohen in my left.  Lane came out and laid right down with us.  No blanket, no comments about itchy grass or bugs or needing to go to the bathroom.  Just me and my boys-all of them-right there in the grass of our backyard.  For a wonderful, beautiful, peaceful, unforgettable moment, I had that 'this life is perfect-there is nowhere else in the world I wish to be' feeling of overwhelming thanksgiving.  As I looked up at the sky with my little family, it was like standing at the edge of the ocean with the waves just at your feet and feeling so insignificantly small.  I have not had that feeling in awhile.  It was good to be flat on my back looking up at the Universe.  It felt so good to me.  And-as with all things-it was fleeting.  Cohen was the first to get up.  Connor was up right after him, only to tackle him back to the ground again.  Not so they could continue looking at clouds and think grateful thoughts to God and enjoy the 'oneness' moment their mother was experiencing, but only for the purpose of tackling, as boys do. They repeated this over and over again with Cohen getting back up to escape only to giggle loudly when his big brother came running after him, sending him back to the ground.  I grabbed Connor.  I picked him up so his feet weren't touching the ground, and I bear-hugged him.  I swung him around.  I told him that I loved him.  That he is a good boy.  That I am proud to be his mama.  That I am thankful God gave him to me.  Then I grabbed that little chubby-cheeked baby of mine and kissed those yummy cheeks almost raw.  Then I laid back down on my husband's chest and listened to Cohen giggle as Connor chased him down.  Sweet, sweet perspective. 

superheros and such...

halloween was great fun at the mcmurry homestead this year...especially with two little people to dress up. connor was an arkansas razorback football player and cohen wore the lion costume that was connor's on his first halloween. lots of pictures, pumpkin carving, cooking baking, candy confiscation, costume anticipation, one visit to urgent care to glue up a cut on connor's forehead and a nice round of strep throat to top off all the festivities. now this didn't all happen ON halloween (although that would have made for a better story, perhaps.) but it all happened close enough to the day that it all runs together in this mama's mind. still-it was lovely in all it's chaos and catastrophe.

though halloween comes but once a year for most people, connor experiments daily with what it would be like to be someone else. someone else as in...a pirate. football player. race car driver. power ranger. fireman. train engineer. indian. superhero. cowboy. hunter. he also dabbles in construction management. i am whole-heartedly enjoying this phase! i love to be surprised when i haven't seen him around the house for a few minutes and he comes leaping down the stairs with his power ranger suit on-complete with cape, helmet, gloves, and elmo houseshoes to serve as his 'rocket boots.' (picture to be added shortly if the 'i.t.' dept. can get their act together). he wanted to have a pirate party for his 5th birthday in august, so when it's pirate hour at our house he comes around wearing his pirate hat, eye patch, bandana (borrowed from his train engineer suit), belt, sword w/ shaft, and hook. when he's a race car driver, he puts on his lightining mcqueen racing suit that is 2 sizes too small b/c he wore it for halloween in 2008 but he loves it b/c it has a secret button he can push on his chest that causes the suit to light up and make noises like a race car. he's been facinated with trains since almost birth, so when he's a train engineer he loves to wear his bib overalls w/ matching hat, walkie-talkie, train whistle, tickets and ticket-puncher, and pocket watch. then he talks just like the conductor on 'the polar express' which is one of his all-time favorite movies. i love it, too. and speaking of movies, my parents ordered this personalized superhero movie for connor that has a cartoon superhero with a picture of connor's face attached. it's actually a very poorly-done video...the other characters and dialogue are quirky and odd. however-connor absolutely LOVES it. he is now all about being a superhero and puts on his 'super razorback' cape that my parents also got for him and shows off his muscles. it's adorable and hilarious. he has also made several paper projects to go along with all of his alter-personas. we have about 18 paper trains, 2 pirate ships, multiple race cars, airplanes, space ships, aliens, some great-looking sea animals and of course, plenty of superheros with capes and belts stapled to their little paper bodies. i can't bare to throw any of these masterpieces away, so i've started taping them to the wall inside the closet under the stairs he refers to as 'his office.' i know there are lots of words and details in this post and i don't care. i'm attempting to keep a record of special memories here and once i get started i want to remember every detail! these days are so precious to me! and they are escaping like sand through my fingers.

i believe-and this is a disclaimer for the future when cohen reads this someday-that i haven't written in as much detail about cohen for the very simple reason that he cannot yet speak. when he starts talking, walking, etc, i'm absolutely certain he will gain as much-and sometimes more-word time as his older brother. he is as facinating, adorable and hilarious as we think connor is. he's just a lot less mobile and vocal at this time. we are eagerly anticipating the revealing of his unique little personality in verbal communication. in the meantime, he will be 10 months old on the 16th of this month and he is magnificant. he is growing more out than up and we tease him that his feet look like they haven't grown since he got here. he wakes up happy as a clam around 7ish am, eats breakfast and plays until 9ish, naps until noonish, lunch and more playing, afternoon napping around 2:30ish, up around 4:30ish, likes dinner at 5 and bed at 7:30ish. that's his day in a nutshell. when he's up and at 'em he loves to roll-not crawl-around, laugh at his brother, and he just learned to clap today. he sucks his right thumb and dislikes chunky food. probably because he has yet to sprout a tooth. his eyes are beautiful and his lashes are long and envy-worthy. the hemangioma he was born with is almost gone and if you didn't know it was there you never would. he smells sweet even when he stinks and he loves patty-cake and peek-a-boo. he also says 'da da' but it's more like 'da da da da da da' so i know he doesn't mean anything by it and his true first word will be 'ma ma.' he pretty much only cries when he's hungry or i'm leaving. other than that, he is one happy fella. and i am one happy mama.

as we are in the season of Thanksgiving, i am more now than ever before grateful for the blessing of family. i am looking forward to going home to paragould to partake in the most delicious feast on the planet with the 2 people who brought me into this world, my genius brother and sister-in-law (aka-Claire's parents! yay!), my precious grandmother, my aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. i LOVE family time. and i LOVE my famiy and lane's so very much. we are going to celebrate with his family at big cedar the weekend before and that is also going to be deliciously fun. i really need to unfold my treadmill. and get on it.

thank you, Gracious Heavenly Father, for these days.

Literal Connor...

Monday night we were driving home in the car. Connor asked me when we were going to Heaven. I told him I didn't know, of course. Then I asked why he wanted to know. He said, 'Because I want to see what God looks like. Mama, do you know what God looks like?' I told him that the Bible tells us that He made us in His image, so we must look a lot like Him. And he told me, 'No we don't. David Crowder says that no one's like Him.' (For those who might need a Crowder reference explanation here...one of Connor's favorite songs is 'No One Like You'.)

Recording love here...

Connor...he finished his prayer tonight by saying, 'and please help Cohen to always love You.'

This is something I never want to forget.

late nite not-so-guilty pleasure

i love david crowder band. music, blog, pics, hair, and mutual affinity for the Lord and eddie vedder. (pretty sure that is the first time that sentence has ever been formed...ever.) check 'em out at www.davidcrowderband.com. totally worth your downtime time.

rainy days and good, good coffee...

i woke up to rain this morning...i had to stop myself and make sure i was not actually seeing/hearing things because it has not rained here in so long! it is wonderful! and it's one of those great kind of rains. you know what i'm talkin' about...the kind that starts off softly in the early morning when it's still pretty dark in your room and you hear it and smell it all at the same time because you slept with your windows open and then it rains harder and thunders and lightinings a bit and your 7 month old wakes up so you bring him downstairs to your bed and then your 5 year old wakes up and comes on down and you're all three laying in bed together listening to the rain and wishing time would stop so you wouldn't have to get out of bed-THAT kind of rain. now the 5 year old is at preschool and the 7 month old is sleeping and i'm still seeing/hearing the rain while i enjoy some coffee and good-smelling candles and think about fall and halloween and life moving at the same speed as the lightining outside my window.

lane and i are about to celebrate 13 years of marital bliss. we got married on the 13th, so isn't there some magical something that's supposed to happen? if so, i hope it involves a good steak. this man i am fortunate enough to call my husband is so fantastic. there aren't enough minutes in the day or years in this lifetime for me to get to spend with him, but i will take what i can get and be grateful for each one-

man, he is amazing.

connor started his last year of preschool on monday. i cannot believe how quickly that has gone and i know the first day of kindergarten is right around the corner-ready to jump out and scare me. i think turning 5 has been quite a milestone for this boy of mine. last night he told me he didn't want to take a bath-he was going to take a shower. what? but that's exactly what he did, and all by himself. i was instructed to stand right outside the curtain, but not to peek in. i did observe good cleaning practices when i cheated and peeked, so that makes me happy. then he got out and wrapped a towel around his waist like he's been doing that since he was 3 or something- and proceeded to brush his teeth and put on his pjs before hopping into bed. lane read him his new favorite book-'i love you, stinky face.' then connor prayed, thanking the Lord that cohen got to come (he says it like, 'thank you, Lord, that you heard my prayer asking You for a baby brother and you answered me and sent cohen down here to this party called life, so thanks that he got to come after i invited him.') then he thanks God for all the grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles, great grandparents, & prays for daddy's arm to feel better (because he tore the bicep away from the bone & had to have surgery...another story for another day.) this morning he was in the best mood and had no problem getting dressed and ready for school and making his bed. when i dropped him off in the car line he just hugged my neck and kissed my cheek and went right on in. he is so big. i miss him so much when we are apart, but i'm also thankful for the downtime for myself-i think it makes me a better mom. and i'm thankful for him to have such an amazing preschool to go to in order to develop some of the courage and knowledge he'll need to make next year enjoyable. what an absolute miracle it is that he is here. i was laying in bed last night thinking about when we lived in the farm house...i was remembering being outside mowing our yard while connor was sitting in his little red wagon with a giant stick pretending to be fishing. he has the most wonderful, incredible imagination. and the sweetest, most tender spirit. my heart swells when i think about how good God made him.

as for his precious little brother, whom i hear over the monitor making some of the sweetest noises known to man-or mom-well, what more could i say about him that hasn't already been applied to his big brother? it is absolutely miraculous that a mother's heart is somehow capable of this much love-and in completely equal parts-for both of these amazing creatures. cohen is the happiest, most laid-back little man. always smiling and content. lane joked to cohen the other night that he must get kissed by me a thousand times in a day. and i told lane that although i have no doubt that is true, and probably not even accurate because it's probably much more than that, it's still not enough. i can't begin to physically express my infinite love for my family. i will continue to try each day, and hopefully break records and stuff on the kissing/hugging/'i love you's. but it will never be enough. life is just too short.

which makes me all the more grateful for Jesus.

Can we all just slow down a second....

where is the time going? how is it possible that cohen will be 14 weeks old on saturday and connor is going to be five and driving and married before i can catch my breath? please, can't we all just take things a little bit slower now before i get dizzy???

a few things i wanted to note tonight about sweet cohen: he's just got to be the best baby around right now. he is a great sleeper and eater. loves to smile at his brother. or mother. or anybody. he has the cutest patch of little hair on his back just above one of the cutest bottoms i know i've ever seen. he also has cute hair growing off the sides of his cute little ears. and his ears ARE little. so are his feet. but his legs are plump. plumpy is what we like to call him. and he is just the sweetest, mild-mannered, even-tempered baby. what a precious boy. what a miracle. i changed his diaper and laid him down tonight at 9pm. he didn't even squeak. just drifted off to dream a little before waking up to be fed again around 10:45pm. now he should sleep for several hours (fingers crossed on that hope.) but who can lay a 3 month old baby down...just lay him on down in his bed and wrap him in his little blankey...and he doesn't do anything but smile at you and close his eyes? he's amazing. just amazing.

and his brother...wow. also very amazing, amazing, amazing. we were at cpo today picking out birthday cards for his daddy. he wanted to go look at all the veggie tales stuff. i just stood back and watched him. he just looked and looked. he picked up this puzzle, or that book. or he would stand with his hands clasped in front of him while he took it all in. he never asked me for one thing. he really, truly enjoyed just looking. and i really, truly stopped for those few moments and enjoyed just looking at him. he was beautiful to watch with his blonde hair and his sweet face. i could have cried tears of pride over standing in the bookstore watching my son. i want to hang on to that mental picture of him forever. when i went upstairs to nurse cohen just a little while ago, i went in to kiss connor in his bed. he was sound asleep under 2 giant stuffed dogs (oscar and booge), a fish named rachel, larry the cucumber, boo boo bear and of course, brown dog and bear-bear. i had to literally dig him out just to kiss his face! it was wonderful. he is so wonderful.

tomorrow lane will be 38 years old. connor, cohen and i all have cards for him to open, and then we have a special day of things planned for him on saturday. i'm so thankful the Lord made him and gave him to me. i can really see how he consciously makes an effort everyday to be the very best daddy or husband he knows how to be. it is something to watch your husband love his children to pieces. and it is amazing how he loves me. or that he loves me! somedays, you know, i'm not the easiest nut to crack. happy birthday, my beloved. you are adored more than you will ever know by the 3 others to whom you gave your name. and 2 of them also got your DNA. lucky fellas.